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The ‘Hitman’ movies continue to be awful

Hitman: Agent 47 is the latest in a long line of video game movies that apparently believe that gamers don’t particularly care about narrative, character, story or action. He’s the best “Excellence of Execution” since Brett Hart.

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The program to create “agents”-genetically modified assassins-has been shut down, but nefarious corporation The Syndicate, is looking to start it back up again”. Katia van Dees is a fantastic addition to the franchise, and she does an excellent job of being the equal of Agent 47. He’s highly skilled and equipped with “subdermal titanium body armor” aka he’s indestructible. And there’s no need to worry about that pesky “logic” or “intelligence”, since the movie has so much stupidity in it that the brain could nearly go numb. And onto the burning pile of crap we can add the corpse of Hitman: Agent 47.

There’s the giant wall map covered in pushpins and newspaper clippings; the overstuffed notebook filled with cyphers and scribbles; and the out-of-focus flashbacks that suggest Katia is a mind-reader, hyper-perceptive, suffering from past trauma or, most likely, all three.

The producers convinced some classy actors to jump aboard this careening, nonsensical thrill ride, so a few fanboys may join the party opening weekend. Instead of choreographed fight sequences show punches, the film is stocked with quick camera cuts and close-ups of flying fists and feet.

This is another case of a movie with so many other elements and references to other movies (The Terminator, The Matrix, John Wick) that there’s no room for the film to make its own identity.

After that, it’s just a lot of bang bang in exotic locations and not-surprising surprises about who is what and who fights whom.

Movies like ‘Hitman: Agent 47′ can feel downright insulting to watch. The most notable one is 47’s fire engine red RS 7 that matches his tie. Both feature young men trained by a covert agency to be ideal killing machines.

That point was driven home when I asked my screening partner what she thought of the film, and her two highlights were the film’s primary vehicle chase and the fact that “the bald guy was hot”. Mike also has no recollection of what his life was like before he met Phoebe. Why would you bring someone’s weapon in the interrogation room? He changes into full military uniform twice in about 30 seconds total. It takes a nation-hopping chain of adventures and a face-to-face encounter with an even more ruthless fellow named Le Clerq (Thomas Kretschmann), the head of the Syndicate, to sort it all out.

Katia is pursued not just by Agent 47, but also another assassin played by Zachary Quinto (who sadly hasn’t been offered any better scripts than this since becoming the new Spock) and can’t quite seem to figure out which one to trust.

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There’s a half-baked attempt to answer some existential questions about the nature of humanity when you’re a murderous robot person, but the sentimentality doesn’t mesh with the film’s desire for cathartic, cinematic violence.

Review: 'Hitman: Agent 47' Has a Number of Problems